Assorted Ototo Spaghetti Monster tools, so they can learn to make their own buttered noodles.
An avocado to stuff with surprises, like a couple of Maria Tallchief golden dollars or a fifty-pence coin from Narnia.
A lockable Gerstner mini chest, for assorted secret and precious treasures.
A clear lock that comes with picks to challenge nimble child fingers and scheming young brains.
Zach Weinersmith's Bea Wolf, an epic tale of the triumph of youth (and one of the most absolutely delightful books we read in 2023).
The Turning Tumble, a marble run that is actually a computer, to demystify magical screens.
Polymer clay, to make the tiny accoutrements desired for last year's woodland kingdom, which is sprawling across the top of two bookcases these days.
An Otamatone, which is a Japanese toy synthesizer that looks like the happy offspring of an eighth note and a salamander, so that they can perform retro hits.
Runamok syrup infused with edible mica, to make waffles glitter.
A pack of pencils by Duncan Shotten that sharpen into rainbows and a book that explains what to draw and how to draw it.
Cozy kicks that will always be easy to spot in the boots-off pile.
A leafy green they may actually be willing to embrace.
*Editor's note: All eight-year-olds I have met are, in fact, exuberantly eccentric! It is a great age.
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One more indulgence: These funny gift guides are an annual delight to compile for all of you anonymous folks out there. I don't make any money from them—no affiliate links, no placements, nada! I'm an online renegade!—but if they have brought you joy or amusement, please consider making a donation to Doctors Without Borders. I'm donating what I can, too, and holding the people of Palestine, Ukraine, and Sudan in my heart. Thank you.
