imaginary outfit: scholastic pursuits

I have a new project.

After nearly 32 years on this earth, I have only a handful of things I am sure of. One is a certainty that there is a lot I don't know about that I probably should. Another is my constant need to try and learn some of it before I die. If I am not learning something, my gears start to sputter and lock. I panic. Stagnation terrifies me. It might as well be death.

The flip side of this fear is a joy - the little clicks of illumination that come with comprehension and suffuse your brain with wonder. I don't assume I understand, but occasionally, blessedly, I glance at the right thing in a lucky way and for an instant I see. These little glimpses are humbling and profound. They drop the scales from my eyes and let me ground my life and my experience of the world in something larger, something more complex and miraculous. So I am always reading and looking, trying to fill the holes and making new holes.

This new project is a sort of systemization of some of those impulses. It is a tricky thing - look too hard and you miss things, but I still have to try. In a magically ideal world, I would go to a magically ideal graduate school for reading and thinking and writing and have help from magical and ideal teachers and colleagues. But I live in the world I live in. Graduate school is expensive and competitive and even if I could get in somewhere, I don't think any course of study I'd undertake would help me get a job to pay off the debt I'd incur. Debt gives me the cold belly squirms. Still, I like a sense of progression and intent. So I am making a plan for myself.

Anyway. You can read more about it here if you like.

In the meantime: hats. I really am looking forward to wearing hats this fall.

***edited to add: I have decided to password protect the school of one site. If you want access, you will need to email me for the password: evencleveland (at) gmail dot com.