keeping our heads above water

If my life means anything, it is that I am always forgetting just what it is that I want. How’s that for meaning? I have found a way to be unsatisfied by everything and always somewhat pleasantly excited . . . I want to know who has ever found anything as wonderful as being a strain . . . held tight between two eternities . . . you would think I wanted to die, if you didn’t know me better, it is more that in truth I would like to vanish . . . You always think I am kidding. I am trying to define happiness by what I have actually got and go on from there.
Kenneth Koch. From 'Reflections on Morroco,' published in The Burning Mystery of Anna in 1951 (1979).

Photo by Alfred Eisenstaedt (via).