Polspotten's brass candelabra, as twisted as an old apple tree.
Bridie Hall's intaglio soaps, for getting into a (classical) lather.
A golden gown by Simone Rocha, for sitting for your official portrait.
Delectable almond cookies, packed in a keep-forever tin.
Weiner Time's exuberant cushion, for decadent lounging.
Buly matches, scented with violet and rose.
A diamond-shaped tin of marzipan sweets, because marzipan always feels fancy.
Lelet's bobby pins decked with chain bows (best worn by the dozen).
A POJ Studio kintsugui kit, for making repairs in gold.
A Hogarth Press first edition of Virginia Woolf's Monday or Tuesday, with plates by her sister, Vanessa Bell.
A truly luxe hot-water-bottle cover, made by Samantha Holmes of ethically sourced alpaca and wool.
Smart shoes are always a treat—these are Tibi's Randolph flats in zebra-print pony hair.
A bottle of tears—could anything be more precious?
One more indulgence: These funny gift guides are an annual delight to compile for all of you anonymous folks out there. I don't make any money from them—no affiliate links, no placements, nada! I'm an online renegade!—but if they have brought you joy or amusement, please consider making a donation to Doctors Without Borders. I'm donating what I can, too, and holding the people of Palestine, Ukraine, and Sudan in my heart. Thank you.